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SAW SAID, "It Was Just Like a Muvee"

November 11, 2013

Dear Supervising Psychologist:

Following is a transcript of my latest session with yet another SAW (Severely but Secretly Abused Woman). I beg of you, please help me help her break the cycle of Emotional Poverty. When can we meet?


SAW: Fee said I was boring.

ME: Step into the freezer! That was cold.

SAW: Tweezer reprise! It’s not the first time.

ME: You’ve gotta be cruel to be kind. . .

SAW: In the right measure. . .

(Laugh and Laugh and Fall Apart)

SAW: Inspiration information, Doc! I’m worried that it’s true--that I’m boring to him.

ME: I wonder how someone controlled you like that.

SAW: It goes something like this:

GIRL: I love you! I honestly love you.

BOY: I can’t get enough of your love, baby.

GIRL: Let’s make love tonight.

(sweet love)

BOY: Let me hit it from the back, girl, I won’t catch a hernia!

GIRL: What if I say no?

BOY: Competition in other places. . .

(bouncing 'round the room)

GIRL: Almost made you love me. .

BOY: Me so horny! Me love you long time.

(moment of silence)

SAW: I never should have opened the door and let him in, much less come with him.

ME: That gorilla glue is strong stuff isn’t it?

SAW: Stuck on goo!

ME: I got a feeling down deep in my hole and I just can’t lose it.

(Laugh and Laugh and Fall Apart)

ME: Whatever happened to “Tuesday” and “go slow” do you think?

SAW: Thanks to free internet porn, to which URADIC is addicted, “it ain’t what they call rock’n’roll.” Actual dating, that is.

ME: Don’t you just love “online learning?”

SAW: All the whores on “Bleecker Street”—they wear a blissful grin.

ME: Caused by the drugs they take to relieve them of their sins.

SAW: I can’t get it out of my head.

ME: From the streets to the fame!

SAW: And I can’t find a better man.

ME: He is not a man.

(moment of silence)


Please Advise,

Frankie Goes To HollyWood

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