SAW SAID, "It Was Just Like a Muvee"
November 11, 2013
Dear Supervising Psychologist:
Following is a transcript of my latest session with yet another SAW (Severely but Secretly Abused Woman). I beg of you, please help me help her break the cycle of Emotional Poverty. When can we meet?
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SAW: Fee said I was boring.
ME: Step into the freezer! That was cold.
SAW: Tweezer reprise! It’s not the first time.
ME: You’ve gotta be cruel to be kind. . .
SAW: In the right measure. . .
(Laugh and Laugh and Fall Apart)
SAW: Inspiration information, Doc! I’m worried that it’s true--that I’m boring to him.
ME: I wonder how someone controlled you like that.
SAW: It goes something like this:
GIRL: I love you! I honestly love you.
BOY: I can’t get enough of your love, baby.
GIRL: Let’s make love tonight.
BOY: Let me hit it from the back, girl, I won’t catch a hernia!
GIRL: What if I say no?
BOY: Competition in other places. . .
(bouncing 'round the room)
GIRL: Almost made you love me. .
BOY: Me so horny! Me love you long time.
(moment of silence)
SAW: I never should have opened the door and let him in, much less come with him.
ME: That gorilla glue is strong stuff isn’t it?
SAW: Stuck on goo!
ME: I got a feeling down deep in my hole and I just can’t lose it.
(Laugh and Laugh and Fall Apart)
ME: Whatever happened to “Tuesday” and “go slow” do you think?
SAW: Thanks to free internet porn, to which URADIC is addicted, “it ain’t what they call rock’n’roll.” Actual dating, that is.
ME: Don’t you just love “online learning?”
SAW: All the whores on “Bleecker Street”—they wear a blissful grin.
ME: Caused by the drugs they take to relieve them of their sins.
SAW: I can’t get it out of my head.
ME: From the streets to the fame!
SAW: And I can’t find a better man.
ME: He is not a man.
(moment of silence)
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Please Advise,